woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
