I wish I could punch you in the face.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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