Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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