Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
