I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
