Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
