Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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