Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
