I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
