White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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