there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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