I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
