they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
