I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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