We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
