You just made me feel so damn special
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
