ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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