You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
