Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
