Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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