If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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