saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
