And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
