So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
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