My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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