I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
