At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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