I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
