You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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