i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
