it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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