she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Sorry my hands just texted you
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
