Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
