dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Randomize
