Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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