this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
