I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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