DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
