my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
