I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
