I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
