I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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