I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
