Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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