i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
