I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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