I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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