I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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