How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Green mimosas i think yes
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
