That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
