Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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